That time of the year...

12 days of Letters and Love

a Forever

In a blink of an eye, a forever has passed and an eternity has lived
In a blink of my eye I have seen a reflection of me lived upon thee
Over thinking makes me wonder, makes me question the possibilities
What are the chances? How "lucky" are we to find a friend within?
A forever will explain, a forever can be lived.

Numbers don't add, words can't express, thoughts are vague but I understand
That time has done its job, everything is right and nothing grows wrong
Nothing has been so known yet the chemicals have proved us wrong
I know because... I know and I have never known the unknown but
A forever will explain, a forever is that strong.

I have lived it and I have seen it for now I know what I was missing
I no longer wonder what it could have been because the present shall be lived
There is more to life, than the eye can see and it was proven by finding thee
Never imagined another me, never believed it could ever be
A forever will explain, a forever will take us there.

Happy tears through my face and an untamed smile is all I share
In a blink of an eye you arrived into my life and made yourself be

You are my best friend and I love you.
If you ever second guess yourself, come back to this page.

Perfect Advice

This is something i found on the web. Definitely the Perfect Advice for a Perfect Balanced Life. 

Health:

1. Drink plenty of water.                                                                           
2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
4. Live with the 3 E’s - Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy
5. Play more games.
6. Read more books than you did in 2010.
7. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.
8. Sleep for 7 hours.
9. Take a 10-30 minutes walk daily. And while you walk, smile.

Personality:

1. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
2. Don’t have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
3. Don’t over do. Keep your limits.
4. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
5. Don’t waste your precious energy on gossip.
6. Dream more while you are awake.
7. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
8. Forget issues of the past. Don’t remind your partner with his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
9. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don’t hate others.
10. Make peace with your past so it won’t spoil the present.
11. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
12. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
13. Smile and laugh more.
14. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

Society:

1. Call your family often.
2. Each day give something good to others.
3. Forgive everyone for everything.
4. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
5. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
6. What other people think of you is none of your business.
7. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

Life:

1. Do the right thing!
2. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.
3. However good or bad a situation is, it will change. 
4. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
5. The best is yet to come.
6. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.

Maybe today...

I don't know why it has taken me so long to write again... I was never scared to share my feelings or be judged by them. Almost 8 months since my last post and i definitely believe time has done it's job. What do i mean? Well, ideally as time passes, people grow, mature, change physically and mentally. I think that's the point of life. Though my body has relatively stayed the same-a few pounds more a few pounds less, my mind seems to be going through puberty just like my body did when i was twelve. I wonder if maybe I didn't write because i didn't find my life interesting enough to be worth sharing and therefore by not writing i was unconsciously avoiding people. And the truth is, if i feel i don't have anything good, like really good to say, then most of the time i wont say anything at all. Maybe those same stories that didn't have any spark were the ones i was hiding from my family members and closest friends. Maybe those were the same stories i was trying to neglect... and pretend they were nothing else but untold stories, stories to be unread. Today was a different today. Today was a good day. Good enough to trigger something within myself that made me wonder and question why I had not written again. So i thank today for the events that happened, both good and bad. I thank the people that made me dance and smile. I thank life for being a learning experience and making everyday a priceless blessing lived only once on this earth.

In that life...

Sometimes I wish to know what it would be like to be born again growing up with new friends, spending Christmas with a new family, falling in love with another person, and learning how not to make those same mistakes we continuously regret yet still find some form of pleasure in them. If only I knew what that would be like... I would not cry for this life as much as I do. Because in that life, I would have not met the "friends" that lied and made fun of me. That didn't let me know when they were taking advantage of me. That were my friends for the wrong reasons and told everyone else but me. In that life, I would have not wasted any opportunity to tell my grandmothers how much they both meant to be, and their cooking. To my grandfathers: Though one of them died when I was 9, I would have not been as tiring and bad as I was. The other, I would have not minded about the many miles and miles away to see him when he had his heart attack. In that life, I would have not waited for every father's and mother's day to remind my parents how much I loved them and needed them every day of my life. I would have not fought my brother for insignificant things or ignored him when I wasn't busy and he needed his sister by his side. Or lied about taking him to the park and gone out with my friends instead. In that life I would have not given myself emotionally, physically and spiritually to a man that didn't know how to appreciate the good woman I was. That didn't know how to love the person that loved him unconditionally regardless of the past. That didn't make me a priority when I made him mine. That didn't allow me to grow when he was by my side. That man... The man that I love. He is the same man that as time goes by, less and less time takes for me to forget what he once meant for me. The same man that I would have not met in another life. In that life, I would have not allowed myself to give unnecessary attention to what didn't deserve it. I would have not allowed myself to repeat the wrongness I had done once. In that life, I would have not been the gullible Yanela that hoped for a better outcome when approaching the problem in the same matter. In other words, in that life, allowing myself to make the same mistakes would have not been an option. So many things I would have not done in that life... But In this life, all is left for me to do is to not reflect on what I would have done in that life and get better at this one because I only have one left. One time. One change to make it my BEST life.

A story to tell

I live a very hectic life and with little time to enjoy the breeze and the people passing by, i easily get frustrated and stressed when i forget i should take some time to appreciate my surroundings. But most of the time, my surroundings remind me of the memories, the past, the unwelcome thoughts that hunt my mind. And there i'm suppressed by emotions that take the best of me. Suppressed by emotions that don't let be free. Suppressed by emotions that only allow me to think of thee and The feeling of “loneliness” makes its way. I'm short on breath, I'm short of life. Because I'm consumed in the thought and idea of you. Because I cant, and perhaps dont want or need you in my life anymore. My thoughts walked me down memory lane. I'm too emotional, I should have known... Because in my “world” emotions mean much more than just 3 words, a kiss, a hug... It means human communication (physically, mentally), interaction (spiritually, emotionally), it means EVERYTHING and ALL I have ever known. In my "Emotional world" i also do feel alone. I feel trapped, empty, I feel like nothing without anyone to share it with. I have yet to find someone as passionate about life and its little, yet indispensable, details. It makes me sad, mad, alone. I think to myself, am I asking for much? You seek for intellectual stimulation. Can you get that from books, computers, games? Do you want to? I want emotional support. I need that voice to say “Its okay, I feel the same way too.” People laugh, and I just let them pass me by with those typical comments “Oh she is just untypical, or oh Yanela is just too weird and special.” Maybe I should just take them slightly and joke about it with them... Because to all I know, there is no “right” or “wrong” answer. Maybe I am a bit different. I dont want to deny that, I just want to find some one just as “different” and “weird” to share those “different” and “weird” thoughts with. Perhaps through my paintings and writings, ill be able to communicate with the world? And I've heard that to the world you might be just one person, but to one person you just might be the world. So just perhaps, to my "world" one day ill be able to communicate with just my eyes, no words, no sense of touch, just emotions and we'll know there is love because I'm not too "weird" and "different" but because we are just as weird and different. Moral of the story, we are all and will always remain alone. We just choose to close our eyes and ignore the indifferences among us all, and take those bits and pieces we feel are necessarily convenient to us, and then at that time we don't feel alone. Because we have each other at that point in time, where our differences don't matter at all.

Beats and Pieces

These are three different pieces i wrote. The first two are sweet and short; the last one has a bit more to it. I feel like the three can be connected to a certain extent but it depends on the readers point of view. Either way, I hope you guys enjoy them.

To be who you are, to be what they want.
To be who you need, to be what they seek.
But don’t they know, I already bleed?
…and for that same reason I cry myself to sleep

What’s the matter, haven’t things changed?
Many years in the making,
This process has yet to reach its ending
Im what you see yet there is more to me
Im a human because we are
Im a woman because Im

My thoughts are rare and my options are scarce
Time heals, but my wounds still have scars
This is insane. All these thoughts bouncing in my head
They are uncontrollable they are too much to handle
This is more than a scandal, these are ideas that inspire
These are words that grow in the shadow
I don’t see the stop sign but that’s because there isn’t one
There is no going back, nothing to be sad about
I create what I see what I smell and breathe
Im able to see what i stand for and beleive
You are what I dream about when I sleep at night
Shouldn’t I just stamp you and make you mine?
Some say time will tell whether I should or not
But little does time know that I already got it figured out
You are mine and there is nothing left of that
No questions need to be asked
These thoughts of mine that consumed me inside
Let me to you and all you do and say
I know im not going insane
“I just want you and all of you”
…and there is no going back.
My thoughts are going to be set free
…and so are my emotions for thee

Ill probably further my work for the first two. But as of right now, I’ve got nothing but what I’ve posted. So perhaps...

To be continued....