In that life...

Sometimes I wish to know what it would be like to be born again growing up with new friends, spending Christmas with a new family, falling in love with another person, and learning how not to make those same mistakes we continuously regret yet still find some form of pleasure in them. If only I knew what that would be like... I would not cry for this life as much as I do. Because in that life, I would have not met the "friends" that lied and made fun of me. That didn't let me know when they were taking advantage of me. That were my friends for the wrong reasons and told everyone else but me. In that life, I would have not wasted any opportunity to tell my grandmothers how much they both meant to be, and their cooking. To my grandfathers: Though one of them died when I was 9, I would have not been as tiring and bad as I was. The other, I would have not minded about the many miles and miles away to see him when he had his heart attack. In that life, I would have not waited for every father's and mother's day to remind my parents how much I loved them and needed them every day of my life. I would have not fought my brother for insignificant things or ignored him when I wasn't busy and he needed his sister by his side. Or lied about taking him to the park and gone out with my friends instead. In that life I would have not given myself emotionally, physically and spiritually to a man that didn't know how to appreciate the good woman I was. That didn't know how to love the person that loved him unconditionally regardless of the past. That didn't make me a priority when I made him mine. That didn't allow me to grow when he was by my side. That man... The man that I love. He is the same man that as time goes by, less and less time takes for me to forget what he once meant for me. The same man that I would have not met in another life. In that life, I would have not allowed myself to give unnecessary attention to what didn't deserve it. I would have not allowed myself to repeat the wrongness I had done once. In that life, I would have not been the gullible Yanela that hoped for a better outcome when approaching the problem in the same matter. In other words, in that life, allowing myself to make the same mistakes would have not been an option. So many things I would have not done in that life... But In this life, all is left for me to do is to not reflect on what I would have done in that life and get better at this one because I only have one left. One time. One change to make it my BEST life.